Friday, July 26, 2013

# It's Raining Grasshoppers & Animal Poop # Make It STOP!

                            ErMG!'s my Tuesday morning 7-23-13 around 9-ish am! Decided to hit the Grocery store early around 9:00 am before the heat arrived. Walking to my truck, unlocked the door....smelling some poop from somewhere_ couldn't figured out where it was coming from_ just knew it was close by....heck I live on a farm. ANY HO!.. preceded to back out, go down driveway_ HAD MY WINDOW DOWN _ the air conditioner hadn't kicked in yet. ALL OF A SUDDEN....."GIANT TEXAS SIZE ALIEN GRASSHOPPERS" 


popped in the window_ took a sit in the truck....I'm screaming, stopped the truck...flew out of the truck, started beating GRASSHOPPERS in the truck_ HIGHTAILED IT!!! around to the other door ,opened it to get them out, 5000 other GRASSHOPPERS attacked...came out of the nowhere_ in the midst of "Beating The Hell" out of them w/ my Sun Hat...started to smell poop A-G-A-I-N_ looking on top of my truck_ there sits _A PILE OF MILE HIGH POOP! WTH????What Animal gets on top of one's truck and leaves a pile of shitacky that smells horrendous & leaves it????So, after all the ALIEN Grasshoppers exited the truck_ I washed bad smellin' "SHITACKY" off the top of my truck.....& went on my merry way! Grrrrr! And,how was your Tuesday morning? 


I thought of that great line in Ethan Frome by Edith the woman of the house enters the kitchen to cook breakfast for everyone she says_ "I'm  Feelin' mighty mean this morning"! This is a job for a "Grasshopper Gun Slinger". I armed myself with "Weapons of Mass Destruction" to commence the kill_of the Body Snatchers! 
                         "Invasion of the Grasshoppers"
Assuming the position...
Later that day,I learned that my Movie Day friend Joy had the same experience where Grasshoppers invaded her carport. And, another friend, Jilly P. was ATTACKED while cutting the grass on her riding lawnmower. Seems one of these Alien Texas Grasshoppers hopped under her sunglasses_ while she was driving down a slope in her yard! We both hope that no one passed by seeing the commotion going on of two crazy ladies fighting Grasshoppers...she NABBED the sucker...
Now,that's a Giant Step for Mankind
...uh,mmm,wait no_A Giant Step for InsectKind! Did somebody put that on Social Media,already? Seriously? Ain't funny y'all! 

So, about that Animal Poop...we discovered the guilty CRITTER was the Raccoons that visit each night...kicking empty flower pots around, mad because there's no food! I heard the commotion one night,looked out_there was a Raccoon shoving stuff around in the backyard!
Bad Boys...WhatCha Gonna Do?
Seems his dropping landed on top of my truck..ewwee!

Life on the Farm can be Hell!
One night at 3 am, we heard a piercing scream from one of the goats. Farmer John(my husbando) put on his Head-Band-Night-Vision-LIGHT w/ pistol-ie and commenced to see what was wrong!

Found a COYOTE running away_ after he'd bitten a chunk outta the BEHIND of Clyde...didn't get Bonnie(thank goodness)!

Meantime, I'm on BACK-UP watch near the front of the Barn_ it's 3 am remember_with my Dressed To Kill outfit on_ holding my gun like this...
                 Now, that was a sight to see!

We get Visitors all the time_but this is getting worrisome.
There's Red Fox...

...Mississippi Kites...

...Falcons, Eastern Bluebirds, Scissortail Birds,Road Runners,Skunks (even Albino ones),Owls, Scorpions,Copperhead & Chicken snakes and this Bad Boy...
Texas Mountain Lion...this one was walking around the neighborhood. My friend Jilly P. spotted one walking around her pool on a leisurely Sunday Afternoon Stroll!

 Decided to check out if any other areas in N.Texas was having a Grasshopper problem.Found this article dated July 15,2013_
with the headlines:"A Plague of Locusts: Grasshoppers are back again, but at least they’re not as voracious as in Dust Bowl days"...

Whew..that's a RELIEF to know they are not as bad as the Plague in the 30's...Grrr!

Grasshoppers lay their eggs in "pods" in the fall an inch or two inches below the soil surface. Each pod can contain from 40 to 4,000 eggs and averages about 200 during a season.

And_at least it was not like that EPIC movie based on the Pearl Buck's (1937)_"The Good Earth". The locust(aka Grasshoppers) came in "Cloud Formation". If you'd seen me in my driveway beating Grasshoppers_ you would have thought it was the locust scene in the movie.

At the time it happened _was NOT funny! But, I can look back on the "Grasshopper & Animal Poop Day from Hell".....& ROTFLMAO!!!!

Master Po calls his young student "Grasshopper":
Master Po: Close your eyes. What do you hear?
Young Caine: I hear the water, I hear the birds.
Po: Do you hear your own heartbeat?
Caine: No.
Po: Do you hear the grasshopper which is at your feet?
Caine: Old man, how is it that you hear these things?
Po: Young man, how is it that you do not?
You can safely assume that _I am not a GRASSHOPPER fan. But, I love Master Po & Caine! 

 So, here's looking at you
The Sage Book "Grasshopper" Whisperer!





apond said...

Too funny. You painted a great picture. I feel like I was there!

The Sage Book Whisperer said...

That was the morning from HELL! At the time I was attacked by grasshoppers & the smell of was NOT funny. But,you know me Girlie,I can laugh at myself! Thanks for taking that ride with me..glad you enjoyed it!!LOL