~The Art of Vulgar Words~

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# It's Raining Grasshoppers & Animal Poop # Make It STOP!

                            ErMG!

So...here's my Tuesday morning 7-23-13 around 9-ish am! Decided to hit the Grocery store early around 9:00 am before the heat arrived. Walking to my truck, unlocked the door....smelling some poop from somewhere_ couldn't figured out where it was coming from_ just knew it was close by....heck I live on a farm. ANY HO!.. preceded to back out, go down driveway_ HAD MY WINDOW DOWN _ the air conditioner hadn't kicked in yet. ALL OF A SUDDEN....."GIANT TEXAS SIZE ALIEN GRASSHOPPERS" 

 

popped in the window_ took a sit in the truck....I'm screaming, stopped the truck...flew out of the truck, started beating GRASSHOPPERS in the truck_ HIGHTAILED IT!!! around to the other door ,opened it to get them out, 5000 other GRASSHOPPERS attacked...came out of the nowhere_ in the midst of "Beating The Hell" out of them w/ my Sun Hat...started to smell poop A-G-A-I-N_ looking on top of my truck_ there sits _A PILE OF MILE HIGH POOP! WTH????What Animal gets on top of one's truck and leaves a pile of shitacky that smells horrendous & leaves it????So, after all the ALIEN Grasshoppers exited the truck_ I washed bad smellin' "SHITACKY" off the top of my truck.....& went on my merry way! Grrrrr! And,how was your Tuesday morning? 

 

I thought of that great line in Ethan Frome by Edith Wharton..as the woman of the house enters the kitchen to cook breakfast for everyone she says_ "I'm  Feelin' mighty mean this morning"! This is a job for a "Grasshopper Gun Slinger". I armed myself with "Weapons of Mass Destruction" to commence the kill_of the Body Snatchers! 

                         "Invasion of the Grasshoppers"

 

Assuming the position...

 

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!.......

 

Later that day,I learned that my Movie Day friend Joy had the same experience where Grasshoppers invaded her carport. And, another friend, Jilly P. was ATTACKED while cutting the grass on her riding lawnmower. Seems one of these Alien Texas Grasshoppers hopped under her sunglasses_ while she was driving down a slope in her yard! We both hope that no one passed by seeing the commotion going on of two crazy ladies fighting Grasshoppers...she NABBED the sucker...

Now,that's a Giant Step for Mankind
...uh,mmm,wait no_A Giant Step for InsectKind! Did somebody put that on Social Media,already? Seriously? Ain't funny y'all! 

So, about that Animal Poop...we discovered the guilty CRITTER was the Raccoons that visit each night...kicking empty flower pots around, mad because there's no food! I heard the commotion one night,looked out_there was a Raccoon shoving stuff around in the backyard!
Bad Boys...WhatCha Gonna Do?

Seems his dropping landed on top of my truck..ewwee!

Life on the Farm can be Hell!
One night at 3 am, we heard a piercing scream from one of the goats. Farmer John(my husbando) put on his Head-Band-Night-Vision-LIGHT w/ pistol-ie and commenced to see what was wrong!

Found a COYOTE running away_ after he'd bitten a chunk outta the BEHIND of Clyde...didn't get Bonnie(thank goodness)!

Meantime, I'm on BACK-UP watch near the front of the Barn_ it's 3 am remember_with my Dressed To Kill outfit on_ holding my gun like this...

                 Now, that was a sight to see!

We get Visitors all the time_but this is getting worrisome.
There's Red Fox...

...Mississippi Kites...

...Falcons, Eastern Bluebirds, Scissortail Birds,Road Runners,Skunks (even Albino ones),Owls, Scorpions,Copperhead & Chicken snakes and this Bad Boy...

Texas Mountain Lion...this one was walking around the neighborhood. My friend Jilly P. spotted one walking around her pool on a leisurely Sunday Afternoon Stroll!

 Decided to check out if any other areas in N.Texas was having a Grasshopper problem.Found this article dated July 15,2013_
with the headlines:"A Plague of Locusts: Grasshoppers are back again, but at least they’re not as voracious as in Dust Bowl days"...
http://www.countryworldnews.com/news/headlines/1224-a-plague-of-locusts-grasshoppers-are-back-again-but-at-least-theyre-not-as-voracious-as-in-dust-bowl-days.html

Whew..that's a RELIEF to know they are not as bad as the Plague in the 30's...Grrr!

Grasshoppers lay their eggs in "pods" in the fall an inch or two inches below the soil surface. Each pod can contain from 40 to 4,000 eggs and averages about 200 during a season.

And_at least it was not like that EPIC movie based on the Pearl Buck's (1937)_"The Good Earth". The locust(aka Grasshoppers) came in "Cloud Formation". If you'd seen me in my driveway beating Grasshoppers_ you would have thought it was the locust scene in the movie.

 

At the time it happened _was NOT funny! But, I can look back on the "Grasshopper & Animal Poop Day from Hell".....& ROTFLMAO!!!!

Master Po calls his young student "Grasshopper":

Master Po: Close your eyes. What do you hear?
Young Caine: I hear the water, I hear the birds.
Po: Do you hear your own heartbeat?
Caine: No.
Po: Do you hear the grasshopper which is at your feet?
Caine: Old man, how is it that you hear these things?
Po: Young man, how is it that you do not?

 
You can safely assume that _I am not a GRASSHOPPER fan. But, I love Master Po & Caine! 

 So, here's looking at you

The Sage Book "Grasshopper" Whisperer!

 

 
 

 

 

 

Movies,Movies...Epic List of Summertime Movies!!

It's no Secret,I'm Addicted to Movies!! I watch about 8 + per week from Netflix. However, I must say that my friend ~Joy~   has a greater addiction! Who knew? She keeps a "Diary of Movies" seen from Jan-Dec.!!! When I met her(1992), she'd seen at least 300 movies...it was only January 2nd!!!! After teaching school all day...she escapes to the movie theater EVERYDAY without fail..plus has many,many other sources in which to get her "Movie-Fix"....amazing!

Thought I'd share some of the movies I've been watching this Summer. Mind you, I sometimes pick movies "off the beaten path" _YOU know I'm curious about so many things!

So, Wednesday (7-17-13)_"Movie Day" with my friend while she's on school break.....I made the Foodie stuff_

 Baked Bean, Corn, Ground Turkey & Cheese Chili Rellenos, Spanish Rice cooked w/ Diced Spicy Tomatoes, Salad (Shredded Lettuce, Cucumber, Tomatoes) & Guacamole, Salsa, Tortilla Chips & Black Bean Tortillas. Dessert was Fresh Cherries! YUM...Ready, Set, Go!

These are the movies she brought to watch:

"42 "is a 2013 American biographical sports film written and directed by Brian Helgeland about the life of baseball player Jackie Robinson who wore jersey number 42.The film stars Chadwick Boseman as Robinson,Harrison Ford as Branch Rickey and Nicole Beharie as Mrs. Robinson. Pretty much an AWESOME film!#5

And...

My, My, My...all I can say about this is HOT & SEXY & some good Twist & Turns!! *Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor* is a romance drama film produced, written, and directed by Tyler Perry.The film is adapted from the play of the same name written by Perry,with several changes. This is the thirteenth film by Perry.# 4.5

Bottom line_ A Wonderful "Movie Day" with my friend!

Here's a couple others I've seen in the last month or so from Netflix! Rated on a Scale of 1-5(highest).

1.Gaslight_#3.5.I watched the "1940 version"...there's a 1944 version that Ingrid Bergman won an Academy Award for Best Actress. Good one. Gaslighting is a form of mental abuse in which false information is presented with the intent of making a victim doubt his or her own memory, perception.  Instances may range simply from the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents ever occurred, up to the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with the intention of disorienting the victim. This psychological clinical term came about as a result of this movie!

2. Promised Land_ #5.With Matt Damon(love him). I'm giving this one a thumbs up! Roughly based on how Oil & Gas companies lie to folks to get their mineral rights and pay land owners a dime on a dollar_ while they make gazillions of dollars!

I loved the scene where Matt & his partner drive up to a store to get clothes,etc_and the name of the store in the small town is...probably filmed in Texas...lol!

                          "Guns, Groceries, Guitars and Gas"

3.Gasland_Documentary #5 .Gasland is a 2010 American documentary written and directed by Josh Fox.Nominated for an Academy Award for Best Documentary in 2011, the film focuses on communities in the United States impacted by natural gas drilling and, specifically, a method of horizontal drilling into shale formations known as slickwater fracking which causes water faucets to catch on fire! Learned a ton of information on this one....have placed an order for my personal DVD!!!

So,that's all my "GAS"_ titled movies!You saw that theme,right?

4. Hillary and Jackie_#4.5.Based on the memoir  "A Genius in the Family" by Piers and Hilary du Pre',which chronicles the life and career of their late sister,Cellist Jacqueline du Pre' who died of Multiple Sclerosis in 1987. A real heartwarming story and great classical music.

5.The Last of the Blond Bombshells_#4.This is a British-American television film.The script focuses on the efforts of a recently widowed woman to reunite the members of the World War II-era Swing Band in which she played saxophone. One of my favorites plays lead_Judi Dench. Great WWII Swing Band Music...loved the music, clothes, tea-time, hairdos, style... loved it!

6.Nora_#4.5.A 2000 film about Nora Barnacle and her Irish husband James Joyce(played by Ewan McGregor, yes, please!).
The film examines the relationship between Joyce and Barnacle. We witness the good times and the bad times, the birth and growth of their two children (Giorgio and Lucia) and how Joyce battles with his publishers and, indeed, the censors over his first published work, "Dubliners".  Delicious, Hot Love, Jealous Lover,Drama, and EWAN McGREGOR.   

7.James Joyce's Dublin: The Ulysses Tour_#4.5. Talk about off the beaten path. I got interested in the life of James Joyce after watching "Nora". James Augustine Aloysius Joyce (2 February 1882 – 13 January 1941) was an Irish novelist and poet,considered to be one of the most influential writers in the modernist avant-garde of the early 20th century.Joyce is best known for Ulysses (1922), a landmark work in which the episodes of "Homer's Odyssey" are paralleled in an array of contrasting literary styles, perhaps most prominent among these the "stream of consciousness" technique he perfected. In this documentary, James Joyce Museum curator Robert Nicholson offers an irreverent tour of both the author's fascinating world and the environment that helped to shape him into a literary legend. 

8.A Dangerous Method_#4.5. This is a 2011 historical film.Set on the eve of World War I, the film describes the turbulent relationships between Carl Jung, founder of "Analytical Psychology", Sigmund Freud, founder of the discipline of "Psychoanalysis", and Sabina Spielrein, initially a patient of Jung and later a physician and one of the first female Psychoanalysts.(BEWARE! FILM INCLUDES BONDAGE & SPANKING). My major in College was Psychology_ so this I loved...anything to do with the mind!

9.Vera Drake_#5. This is a 2004 British drama film telling the story of a working-class woman in London in 1950 who performs illegal abortions.After one of her patients nearly dies, Vera is arrested by the police and taken into custody for questioning.It won the Golden Lion at the Venice Film Festival and it was nominated for three Academy Awards and won three BAFTAs. 

10.Oranges and Sunshine_#4.5.EYE-OPENER!!
The film is based on the true story of Margaret Humphreys, a  social worker from Nottingham who uncovered the scandal of "home children", a scheme of forcibly relocating poor children from the United Kingdom to Australia and Canada. Margaret
reunites estranged families and brings worldwide attention to the cause. Deported children were promised "oranges and sunshine" but they got hard labour and life in institutions such as Keaney College in Bindoon, Western Australia.

11.Klimt (The Film)_#4. I was drawn to this film because John Malkovich plays Klimt. And I find the art work of Gustav Klimt interesting & amazing. It is a 2006 biographical film about the life of the Austrian Symbolist Painter Gustav Klimt (1862-1918). His most famous painting is "The Kiss". In 2006 at the Neue Galerie in New York, his portrait painting of  Adele Bloch-Bauer l sold for $135 million....WTH!

 The 1907 portrait, Adele Bloch-Bauer I,surpassing Picasso's 1905 "Boy With a Pipe" (sold May 5, 2004 for $104 million), as the highest reported price ever paid for a painting.

                                          "The Kiss"
12.The Naked Servant_#4.5. Based on Quentin Crisp's autobiography, the once-controversial picture stars John Hurt as Crisp, a flamboyant character who publicly declared his homosexuality during the brutally homophobic and misogynistic England of the 1930s and '40s -- a time when this alternative lifestyle was still an offense punishable by imprisonment in Great Britain. Crisp dyed his hair and wore makeup in an era when women were looked on with disapproval for such behavior! Loved this brave story!

                                Quentin Crisp 1908-1999
Read more here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quentin_Crisp

13.The Debt_#5++.Dame Helen Mirren in the lead role...need I say more! A Drama-Thriller film released in the US August 2011. A former Mossad intelligence agent is forced to re-live her unsuccessful pursuit of a Nazi war criminal when the fugitive re-emerges 30 years later. GOODNESS....I sat on the edge of my couch on this one, didn't know what would happen next...Awesome!...think I'll watch it again!

      This "My Friends"is what 68 years young looks like, YES!

RATED....R+R+R
14.The Harlot's Progress_#4.5. This British film(2006) is based upon the story of a series of paintings entitled  "A Harlot's Progress" by William Hogarth.Hogarth's work is inspired by his interactions with an eighteenth-century prostitute Mary Collins. I was introduced to his work in 1995 when I started my Tea business. He has done lovely"Afternoon Tea-Time"painting.Ummm,I didn't know about this Series....

I loved the historical aspect of William Hogarth capturing 18th century life in England.Tastefully done...no pun intended!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hogarthean

15.Fanny Hill: Unrated. #1.99.RAUNCHY 18th Century Classic! I read the book last year...page after page of visual(w/pictures)...Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure (popularly known as Fanny Hill) an  erotic novel by John Cleland first published in England in  1748. I wanted to read the book because of it's notoriety_so I figured the movie would be....?? It was written while the author was in debtors' prison in London. It is considered "the first original English prose porn, and the first porn to use the form of the novel."  One of the most prosecuted and banned books in history, it has become a synonym for OBSCENITY! The Movie is the same! Fifty Shades of Grey is elementary compared to this one in the written word... & the film version...Grrr!

All I've got to say on these last two choice is_WHY.....

So....these are a few of my favorites & Uh, not so favorites this Summer so far....hope you find one or two to watch. Meantime, it's just no telling what I might watch next because....

                              ~Much Love & Peace~